Ambiguity Amplifies Anxiety
I have often felt overwhelmed by my anxiety. When I am overwhelmed, I feel like there is a list of too many things to do and too much pressure to do those things. My list is not only the actual list of tasks I need to complete, but all of the hypothetical, ambiguous, possible tasks that maybe I’m forgetting or haven’t thought of yet. Connected to those real and possible tasks are all the real and hypothetical people who may be disappointed in me based on my performance. It all feels like way too much - overwhelming.
This overwhelm becomes a fog where everything is ambiguous. My standard answer becomes “I don’t know,” and that can mean “I can’t think right now,” “I’m paralyzed by anxiety,” “I’m afraid of making the wrong choice or doing a bad job.”
And I typically shut down, scroll on my phone, and/or eat my feelings (they often taste like buffalo chicken dip).
I have learned that when I am ambiguous and unclear about what I want, I am creating more anxiety for myself. Ambiguity amplifies anxiety. Not being clear about what I want makes the future harder to envision.
“I don’t know” is almost never true for me. There is a deep part of me that knows the truth about what I want. I learned early in life not to vocalize my truth as a gay kid growing up in a very conservative environment. As an adult, I still have to take time and listen in order to hear my truth.
Clarity Cultivates Calm
In the midst of the chaos, I do have the power to choose clarity over ambiguity in my own mind and heart, and you do, too. When we are clear about what we want, we can determine what action steps to take to move toward what we want. When I listen closely to my truth and take steps to live in my truth, that clarity cultivates calm.
Clarity and calm are qualities that we cultivate in order to live a more centered, open-hearted, healthy life. Like cultivating a fruit tree, this is a slow process. We have to take deliberate action every day in order for these qualities to grow in our lives.
How to Cultivate Clarity and Calm
To access the deep, calm clarity at the heart of who we are, here are a few steps:
Choose a time and place where you can be as undisturbed and undistracted as possible.
Take a few moments to center yourself - this might involve sitting still or a rhythmic movement like walking, dancing, or tapping.
Breathe - take at least four deep breaths, in and out, until you can feel the tension in your body start to lessen.
Ask yourself out loud, or silently in your head and heart, or write it down., “What do I want?” If you prefer to talk to yourself in second or third person, ask “What do YOU want?” or “What does [your name] want?”
Repeat the question slowly as many times as you need to.
Keep breathing and listen. When you hear or perceive a response, repeat it to yourself and write it down.
I am not an expert on anxiety, but I know that this process almost always works to help me move from a space of inner chaos to a space of inner clarity and calm. From that space of calm clarity, I can make conscious decisions about the future that I want to work toward.
If you would like some help envisioning that future for yourself, please schedule an intro call with me to talk more about coaching.
